Hmm...

I think I am probably one of the most complicated, insane human beings that I've ever seen. I recently figured out that I have two main personalities within myself. One that manages my emotions and one that actually lives my life. And I must say, the one that keeps track of all of my emotions, doesn't seem to want to share the information she gathers. So the other one is left to scavenge for hints of how I feel. Its very frustrating, because I know myself and I'd say I'm rather predictable, so its not like I don't know what the emotions are and why I'm feeling them, but at the same time I don't know. I'm not really sure if this is what happens to everyone, but it the oddest thing I've ever experienced.

For instance, I'm sort of, kind of seeing this guy right now, and I know I have very strong feelings for him. And he reassures me of this every time I talk to him by the way he treats me and the things he says, however I have this looming sense of insecurity and doubt. But I can't figure out why, except that I know the one and only reason that I would ever feel like that, and yet I don't think thats what's bothering me. I told Larry about it and the complications that this relationship brought, but he didn't really give me much help on the subject. Although he did say that he has been through many types of complicated relationships over the years and didn't seem to object to the situation. I feel a lot better after telling him, but I still have the lurking suspicion that something is going to go very wrong or that I'm making a huge mistake. But the things that this particular person has said to me, makes me feel like it might just be my fear of commitment trying to sabotage me. God, its like I have completely opposite people inside of me, always fighting. So I'm kind of always stuck between two decisions. And, as far as I know, being able to make decisions is an important life skill, so I have no idea how I'm going to fix this. Another thing I've noticed is that when I'm writing like this, I go back and forth between the two idea's that I have and I think that makes it seem like I'm talking in circles.