My Father...

Ahaha, I find it extremely entertaining that I have I'm now writing a blog about my father after I just recently wrote one about my mother.'

I would say, on some level, very deep down...I mean VERY deep down, I love my mother. But I have never spent real "quality" time with him. He has never lived with us, never been a consistent father figure in my life. Actually, he reallu hasn't ever been there for me as far as I can remember. And the few times that I have seen him, he constantly bad mouths my mom, and although I don't like my mom a whole lot, I don't want to hear some dumbass fucking douchebag that I don't know, talk about her like they're in highschool and she's some ex-girlfriend that he is convinced cheated on him. Its annoying and it makes me dislike him even more. Also, he thinks he knows everything and talks constantly. I talk a lot as well, but I would say most of the time, I let other people talk as well and contribute to the conversation we're having. He doesn't do that. At all. Most of the time he just continually talks until we arive at our destination. I would say that a majority of the memories I have of my father are sitting in his car or a fast food restaurants while he just talks and talks...and talks and talks and talks...and talks. Oh, and he thinks that I am EXACTLY like him, except for that part where I'm a girl and well, he isn't. Its so frustrating, and he's so controling.

Like right now, we're in this stupid custody battle thing, and I'm supposed to go over there every other weekend, but I haven't been lately, because I'm old enough to decide whether or not I want to go, and I just don't want to go. Hah. He's so annoying, and he acts like a 16 year old boy, or he's just a total asshole to me. Niether one is very appealing and I have to say, if I could just erase his existance, I don't think even his own mother would mind. God, I hate him so much. but I suppose I don't know him that well, so I shouldn't say that, but I don't like how he treats me at all, and I don't really like the kind of person he is. He's a douche to the majority of the friends he has, and he talks about them negatively all the time.

What really bothers me about this stupid custody thing is that, 1. NO ONE LISTENS TO ME, they only listen to my parents and really all that happens is I get caught in the middle of this "war", as both my parents call it, and its not very fun. 2. HE ISN'T EVER HOME ON THE WEEKENDS THAT I'M THERE! I mean, WTF. If this is supposed to be time that we're spending together, we should fucking spend it together then. I have to go over there tomorrow sometime between four and seven, and I definitely, definitely don't want to go. I wish I could just erase him off of the face of the earth..or like hire a hit man or something and pray to god no one finds out I hired him. But thats highly illegal and I don't even know how I would go about finding a hit man, or the money to hire him.

I'm so fucking mad right now. I wish this whole custody thing never happened. I want my old life back. It was just starting to work out for me, and I was actually starting to be happy. Now I have to fucking try to start a meaningless relationship, that won't last very long, with a man that I don't even know. I don't feel any conection to him, at all whatsoever, other than the fact that he is my biological father. God I hate him.